Ever have that one guard who refuses to leave his or her post? Even sleeping guards can cause an adventurer problems if their apnea kicks in. Here is a partial list of potential paths past that pesky protector.
- throw a bees nest at him/her
- throw your voice
- throw a bottle somewhere else to make noise
- throw a bottle to render him/her unconscious
- throw rotten eggs
- use a fire spell to light a torch and spook him/her
- tightrope walk above him on a rope
- jump from chandelier to chandelier
- topple a statue
- drop a gargoyle
- fleas
- blind him/her with a flashbang
- use a radio to imitate a commanding officer and recall him/her
- pay a prostitute to walk by
- bluff him/her by pretending you're drunk
- bluff him/her by pretending you're a delivery guy
- bluff him/her by pretending he/she should know who you are
- bluff him/her by pretending you belong inside
- use a fake id
- disguise yourself as another guard
- disguise yourself as a higher ranking soldier
- sleeping powder
- have a friendly guard relieve the problematic guard
- bribe him/her
- banish him/her to another dimension
- set the building on fire
- set a neighboring building on fire
- use a cute pet to draw his/her attention
- use an ugly pet to drive him/her away
- travel through time to before or after he/she comes on duty
- make a deafening amount of noise
- put him/her into a bag of holding
- stage a fake argument/fistfight
- break into the main office ahead of time and change that guard's orders
- send a courier with a fake note
- send a courier with an exciting gift
- send a courier with two gallons of ice-cold lemonade
- send a courier with a pie full of laxitives
- no one likes crabs
- call forth a demon behind him/her
- reflect the sun into his/her eyes
- get him/her to chase you, lose them, and then circle back
- teleport to the other side of the wall
- have hundreds of people rush the gate at once
- recruit a celebrity
- recruit a scary ghost
- "accidentally" kick a ball past him/her and ask for help
- stick him/her in place by throwing ten pounds of honey
- levitate him/her
- tunnel under him/her
- avalanche
- portable hole
- if he/she is a ghost, dispel them
- if he/she is mechanical, short him/her out with water
- if he/she has metal armor, magnetize something nearby
- plant a grasping vines seed and then make it grow magically
- speak the secret password
- insist that an incorrect secret password was the correct password the last time you visited this worthless dump and that you shouldn't be held accountable because some desk jockey can't make up his mind
- tie a rope to a horse, lasso the guard, then spank the horse
- shanghai a skunk
- hire a street urchin to run past the guard, drawing him/her away
- kill yourself, become a ghost, pass the guard, get resurrected
- produce an epic wind
- turn him/her to stone
- offer him/her a stick of poisoned gum
- activate the portcullis, killing him/her and leaving enough space for you to crawl underneath
- convert yourself into a fly
- convert yourself into a spider
- fake grenade
- live grenade
- nuke him/her with an inferno spell
- shoot him/her with a crossbow
- stab him/her with a broadsword
What kind of a person does a list of seventy-THREE things? Surely I could have done a few more for an even eighty. Feel free to vent about my lack of concern for your disparnumerophobia in the comments below. If you like this post, tell your buddies by sharing it on Twitter and Facebook.