The most exciting sporting events in the kingdom are the massively popular Lumpfzball contests. Held every year at the end of winter, Lumpfzball is a cross between jousting and dodge ball.
Rules
- Teams: 2 per match
- Players: 10 per team
- Balls: Five per team, 8 lbs each, inflated to the point where they bounce
- Judges: 2, one on each side of the "runner" wall
- One player from each team stands 100m away from each other, facing each other, on either side of a three-foot high "runner" wall.
- On the mark (usually a fired starter pistol), the players run toward each other and hurl their ball at the other player once they get to the midline
- Points are awarded based on unconsciousness (10pnts), collapse of an opponent (6pnts), loss of balance (3pnts), and contact (1pnt)
- Players must use two hands to throw their ball; use of one hand denotes a penalty (-7pnts)
- Players cannot cower behind the wall (-5pnts)
- Players lose a point for flinching (-1pnt)
- Players lose a point for throwing their ball before the midline (-1pnt)
- Players lose points if they pass out before throwing their lumpfzball (-8pnts)
- Players cannot cross over the wall
- The judge reserves the right to stop a match in the event of a perceived infraction of the rules, sudden unconsciousness or death of a player, and environmental interference (rabbits on the field and such)
- A single round concludes when each team puts their players up, in turn, until all ten players have participated.
- A single game is two rounds long.
- For the second round, players switch sides of the "runner" wall.
- If a player cannot participate in the second round due to injury or unconsciousness, the opposing team is awarded points (7pnts)
- If the players from both teams are both unconscious, no points are awarded.
Background
Lumpfzball was created over two hundred years ago as a result of a law preventing dueling. Back then, two combatants would run at each other as fast as possible and attempt to bludgeon each other into unconsciousness using weapons fashioned from large wads (lumpfz) of rags. Over time, this de facto dueling system was popularized as designated "duelers" sold their services as stand-ins for people who could not fight for their own honor.
These mercenary duelers evolved into players as the contest took a more commercial turn when, about sixty years ago, a man named Hemlot Klein established the official rules of competitive Lumpfzball. Shortly thereafter, several regional teams rose to prominence -- playing against each other for the honor of their village or town.
About half a century ago, the game established very specific safety guidelines and today the sport is much more structured. There are sixty four regional teams -- most of which are small village squads but some of which are large city teams that have a huge market base to build training centers and such. While the city teams tend to dominate and appear regularly in the post-season games, occasionally a village squad sneaks in and becomes the Cinderella underdog that people write books about.
Current Rankings
The following are the current rankings for the post-season eligible teams for the 3687-3688 Lumpfzball season:
-
MindCruch Division
- Hargrove Hammerheads
- Slinderland Skullsplitters
- Dandriver Dividers
- Felspar Fragmenters
- Benton Triple-Bs (Blood-Brain Barriers)
- Barliss Castle Bloodscarves
- Mankestral Migraines
- Tuju Village Triage
-
Hemis Fear Division
- Eldanton Encephalitis
- Viewcrest Veinbreakers
- Atrion Addleminders
- Chloristburgh Chromedomes
- Riverwalk Ravagers
- Gliberswick Greasyscalps
- Perry Village Plaquebuilders
- Kapton City Butterflies
Past Winners
The following is a list of past winners of the Heavenly Stroke trophy:
- 3686-87 season: Eldanton Encephalitis
- 3685-86 season: Slinderland Skullsplitters
- 3684-85 season: Mankestral Migraines
- 3683-84 season: Zanners Walk Zitpoppers *
- 3682-83 season: Riverwalk Ravagers
- 3681-82 season: Hargrove Hammerheads
- 3680-81 season: Hargrove Hammerheads
- 3679-80 season: Hargrove Hammerheads
- 3678-79 season: Eldanton Encephalitis
- 3677-78 season: Mankestral Migraines
* denotes strike-shortened season
Flaws and Habits
Due to the high risk of unconsciousness and/or brain damage, youth leagues are almost universally banned.
The final match at the end of the season (the Superclot) is a single, round-robin-style match with eight teams over sixteen rounds. In the past decade, 28 athletes have died on the field during competition. Also, more points are awarded for missing players than are awarded for all other reasons combined.
Alternatives
- You can add horses to make it higher impact or even "hover-bikes" if your setting is more futuristic; add a (+3pnt) bonus for a dismount
- You could have the players "chained" to the wall in some way
- You could make the stakes higher by adding a metal core to the ball that makes a strike to the head occasionally lethal
- You could focus on the post-career downfall of the players
- You could make this an underground game (kind of like a fight club)
Does this help you do away with dueling in your world? Do you object to the spelling of the word "lumpfz"? Feel free to change anything you see here and, if you like this post, share it with your friends on Twitter and Facebook.